Melinda French Gates: Divorce, Departure, and a Billion-Dollar Shift

You movingly talk about your father instilling in you a belief in your potential. How do you do that with your kids and other women that you mentor?

I love my dad, and I really appreciate that when I was growing up, he had a perspective on me that I didn’t have on myself. This showed up in all kinds of ways. I remember one Sunday afternoon when I was a teenager, we passed the local IBM office, and he told me I should tape my resume to the door because they would be crazy not to hire me. As it happens, I actually ended up interning in that exact building—and who knows if I would have had the confidence to set on that path without my dad cheering me on like that.

So now I absolutely try to do the same thing for my kids and the people around me. A few years ago, one of my good friends was asked to be on a board, and she spent a lot of time worrying about whether she was actually qualified. As she struggled against that doubt, I tried to help her see herself as I see her—as this tremendously experienced businesswoman with a very important perspective to offer. And guess what – she’s still on that board, and I think everyone involved is really glad she’s there.”

In the book, you talk about struggling with self-doubt in college and at the beginning of your career in philanthropy. What advice can you give women about overcoming those feelings?

Well, first of all, they should know they’re not alone. I’ve been there, and most women I know have been there. What I would advise anyone in this position to do is find people who believe in you and keep them close. At the same time, if there is someone in your life who makes you doubt yourself or question your abilities in a way that’s not constructive, then keep your distance. And if that’s not possible—because maybe we’re talking about a coworker or a boss you really can’t escape—then just make sure that you’re balancing out the negative messages you’re hearing from them with the voices of the people who care about you and believe in your potential.

In the book, you mention women, including Michelle Obama, Malala Yousafzai, and Billie Jean King. How have each of those women inspired you, and what have you learned from them?

Where do I even start? All three of those women are icons. Michelle Obama, as you probably know, is not really someone who ever aspired to be in the public eye, but she managed to step into one of the most visible roles in the world and be incredibly effective in that role while also remaining true to herself and her values. She’s a hero to women and girls all over the world for that. To people all over the world.

Malala Yousafzai was an outspoken advocate for girls’ education long before most of the world ever heard her name. What I think is so incredible about her is that, again and again, she has used her platform to insist her story is not unique—that there are tens of thousands of girls like her around the world who deserve the same chance to go to school, nurture their talents, and rise to meet their full potential.

And then there’s Billie Jean King. I remember watching her compete in the famous Battle of the Sexes when I was a girl, a match that meant a tremendous amount to a lot of women. She was someone I looked up to then, and as she’s continued her activism and advocacy for social justice and women in sports, she’s given us all even more to admire.

You mention that your inner voice had faded, and you rediscovered it when your marriage fell apart. What advice can you give others about discovering or rediscovering their inner voice? What did you learn through the process of rediscovery?

When I was in school, the nuns who ran the place carved a makeshift chapel out of two classrooms and had us spend a lot of time there in quiet and stillness. That’s where I first learned to listen to my inner voice. You have to be able to sit quietly with yourself—not reaching for your phone, not obsessing over your to-do list—just being. That’s when your inner voice will start to come out.

But like you said, it’s true that there was a period of time when my inner voice faded. Going to therapy helped me hear that voice again. It took me two tries to find the right therapist, but once I did, she changed everything. She helped me amplify my inner voice by giving me a channel to express it. You can do this by writing down the words it’s saying to you in a journal, speaking them out loud to a friend, or you can do what I did and get some professional help. I’ll be honest – I was a therapy skeptic for a long time. Now I hope that by talking about my experience, I can maybe encourage some other skeptics out there to consider that it could help them, too.

You didn’t do many interviews after your divorce. How did you fifind the courage to reclaim your public voice and start talking about it?

You’re right, I didn’t do any interviews for a while, because I knew that even if I was there to talk about my work, I was going to get asked questions about the divorce, this deeply personal and painful event in my family’s life that I didn’t want to open up to the world. But I also knew that if I wanted to be able to use my voice to advocate for the causes I believe in, I was eventually going to have to find a way to deal with the curiosity around my marriage. The other choice was hiding out for the rest of my life. I didn’t rush into it—I waited until I was ready—and when I finally agreed to an interview, it was with Gayle King, a reporter I trusted. I write in my book that I did a lot of prepping and a lot of praying beforehand. I wanted to find a way to talk about what happened that was true to my experience while still protecting my family’s privacy and doing right by my kids. As much as I dreaded it, I felt a lot freer on the other side.

You talk about setting goals throughout your life, and sometimes realizing you chased the wrong things or chased your goals so much that you missed out on spontaneous moments. How do you advise people you mentor to think about goal-setting now?

When I talk to young people who have big ambitions for themselves, I tell them that’s wonderful—the world needs them and their big ideas. There’s nothing wrong with setting goals. I think it can be a very useful tool, actually. What I also tell them, though—and this is important—is to leave some room for their plans to change. I encourage them to be excited about the fact that things are going to happen in their life that they can’t possibly foresee because that will expand their perspectives, change their priorities, and help them reimagine their sense of what’s possible.

When I’m dispensing this advice, I think it helps that I’m clearly speaking from personal experience. I spent almost my entire adult life investing my time and energy in a marriage I thought would last forever and a foundation that I intended to be at the center of my life’s work. No way did I think I’d turn sixty having parted ways with both. Even though I never would have asked for that, it’s true that what I’ve left behind has made room for a lot of important new things.

Why did you decide to leave the Gates Foundation, and how did you come to that decision?

The foundation I co-founded was the center of my work for 25 years, and I always thought it would be at the center of my work for the rest of my life. I believe so strongly in its mission that even after Bill and I ended our marriage, I planned to continue in my role as co-chair. But as things around me continued to change, I realized I needed to make a change as well. As I watched women’s rights roll back all over the world—including with the Dobbs decision here in the United States— I decided I needed to start a new chapter in my philanthropy, doing everything I possibly could to protect and advance women’s power. I knew that by stepping away from the foundation—leaving it in the very capable hands of our CEO and board of trustees—I would have more time and resources to devote to the work I felt called to. So now here I am.

What are you focusing on at Pivotal? You have committed to giving away the majority of your wealth to fifight poverty and advance equality for women and girls in the US and around the world. What are your major initiatives?

From the beginning, Pivotal has focused on removing barriers to equality, especially for women. In 2019, I committed a billion dollars to expand women’s power and influence in the United States through a number of initiatives, from increasing the number of women—particularly underrepresented women of color—graduating with computer science degrees to supporting paid family and medical leave policies, to investing in innovative caregiving solutions. When I left the foundation last year, I committed another billion dollars to improving the lives of women and families around the world and started moving resources right away. Given the moment we’re in, I’m particularly interested in the physical and mental health of women around the world—including the reproductive health of women here in the United States.

How do you seek out people with lived experiences of the issues you care about, and how do you work with them?

There are a lot of ways I try to do this—from the way I put teams together to the kinds of partners I seek out to the way I structure my learning and do my research. Most importantly, I think it’s absolutely essential to get out of the office and into the communities where we work. I just got back from a trip to Louisiana, where I met with women who have been failed by the healthcare system in some absolutely devastating ways and are now working to fix what is broken for the women who come behind them. It’s important to me to understand the stories behind the statistics.

When we’re back at the office talking about our programmatic strategies, I want to be able to understand what they mean for the women I’ve met and make sure we’re keeping what they’ve told us at the center of everything we do.

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

It’s something my mother used to tell me: Set your own agenda, or someone else will. It was good advice for me as a young woman trying to figure out her place in the world and good advice for me now that I’m sixty years old, starting a new chapter in my philanthropy.”

What’s the best mistake you ever made?

Oh boy. A software product called Microsoft Bob. If you’ve never heard of it, I’m not surprised. I was the marketing manager for the project, and it totally bombed. But actually, some of its features ended up being incorporated into other Microsoft products over the years, including everyone’s favorite font Comic Sans. That’s right: Comic Sans was my team. You’re welcome.